Getting Outside My Head

We are going on a Di$ney cruise in early Sept...I am starting to get excited.

It will be a good time to get away...J's baby will have been born by then and I know that will be extremely stressful.

At first my negative side came out...booked the trip before I bought the house so money is extremely tight and a few personal issues....but forget all that!

Molly and I will have a blast! I can't wait to hang out with her and play and have some alone time as well. We are going with two couples but I will be making alone time for me. :)

We have a short 5 weeks and we are off!

Trying to be positive but it really not working today.

Something is coming up in two days that I do not want to acknowledge. I do mean that. Walked into the office today and my desk was decorated so I thanked the person who did it but then took it down before I even got coffee.

J has something to tell me but won't tell me right now. She has been posting on her myspace a great deal in the last week. It is set to private so I have no idea what she is saying. Her birthday was in the last week as well.

I am sure he is not telling me right now as to not upset me. Too late. It is everything I can do to fight back the tears. It is going to be an extremely difficult day and Sunday will be worse.

I just feel that I let my life pass me by and now I am old and have nothing to show for it. I mean that I am still not married and no where near the on the path. My daughter still does not have a dad and she asks for one everyday. I am in a dead end job that is going no where.

Okay....that is my pity party. I also see the other side...I have a wonderful daughter, a great house and my bills are current. I do realize all that....,having a hard time letting the other go today. Recently I have been much positive just not today.

I can have my pity party as long as I do not live my pity party. It will pass and I will be positive again.

Got through the weekend.

J went to Family Fun night church with us Friday evening. That was a great time.

Saturday ended up with a migraine. Bad day....

Sunday went to a new church, a new friends and she daughter came over and then went to dinner with the girls that night. Sushi....it was wonderful. Then J stopped by later in the evening.

I got through it.... :)

I am so happy. I just spoke to M's school and they are going to let me pay weekly instead of monthly! Yay!!!

The tution really goes up and I just can't afford to pay on the 10th of each month. It like a large car pymt or small mortgage so that is difficult. I will do what I have to so that she can stay in this school.

Oh...I am just so happy. Thank you..Thank you!!

I have had plans every night for the past 2 weeks. Wow...this must be what is like to have a life!

Went to Cindy's Birthday Pool Party Saturday. It was an adult day! I had so much fun!!! Carla went with me and we were there all day and left around 11:00PM. I really enjoyed the day. I laughed and played volleyball and just had a good time.

Sunday we went to a church near us. It was my second visit and I really like the church. I think this one is it. No more looking. It was a great service and then after our friends ran in thier friends and the dads ended up takin all the kids to the circus. They loved it.

While they were having fun, us moms that have kids going to Sloan went uniform shopping. Lets just say $300 dollars later I walked out. I only got two of things and some just one. Goodness!

And of couse ...M has been up the past two night with growing pains again! So, I will be taking the uniforms back and getting a size 6! She is growing so fast.

$ is tight right now with school tution going way up and uniforms etc...but I am not letting it get me down. It will work out...I know it will!

Went to Dallas Obsvr Music Awards last night. Marilu recvd a VIP invite and invited me.

It was so much fun. I ran into people I have not seen in over 10 years.

Great music , great drinks , great atmosphere!

I felt so comfortable...It was a blast!

I have been and do now, pray for the safe delivery of Jason's daughter. She should be born by C-Section today at Noon.

Regardless of how I feel, I wish the best for everyone.

UPDATE: Both are good. 9lb 6oz baby girl.

As some know I have not had much contact with my mother. Lately though I have been communicating through e-mail.

On Tuesday she went into the hospital due to a collapsed lung. Over the past few days they have been trying to inflate her lung. This has not worked so this morning she is having surgery to try another method and check some areas for cancer.

If you happen to stop by this page, please say a prayer for my mother.

She spoke to M on the phone Tues and that really seemed to help her spirits. It was the first time they had ever spoke.

Regardless of the past, I love you mom.

One day...I will be an adult. Not sure when it will happen but it will...right.

I will not live my life a soap opera and a bad one at that....I will make grown up decisions...

Only I can made this happen. I know this yet I still do everything in my power to destroy my life.

M started Kindergarten today. They did not have to wear uniforms today but hopefully next week. The boys polo's were delayed so dressed code was pushed back a week for everyone.

Mom is completely broke now because tution is EXTREMELY high...just two years though...

She was so excited. Her tummy hurt from her nerves. I bet she is having a blast though!