Getting Outside My Head

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Well...a great deal has happened sicne the site went down..... life changing information and emergency surgery!

As I am drowning in my self pitty and taking responsibility for why our relationship failed...I had this thought about something in our conversation.

I am being told that I am not trust worthy because I had an affair when I was in my early 20s. It was wrong but I can not change it. Now...present...the person telling me this says he is taking his relationship with this other person day by day but he is not telling her how much he sees me. He is not telling her what he says to me. He is not telling her things have been physical. Is that not cheating? Does that not make him untrust worthy?

I was so involved in telling him that he can trust me I did not even think about what was going on now...in the present. He told me that cheating is not just having sex, it is taking a call as well. Keeping a relationship from the other person. Is that not what he is doing?

I can see all this...I can see that by his freaking out that I took a call from someone I knew 10 years ago, and he and I are not even together right now, shows he has not changed when it comes to his insecurities.....but I still love him. WHY!!!! Urgh!!!

I have serious issues!

Doing better today. Have had so many down days just to actually smile for no reason seems like a HUGE step.

I don't know...just feel a little better today. I still and will always love him but he is going to do what he wants to do regardless of what I say so I am trying to let go. I still hope things change for us but I am trying to let go so I am not so unhappy all the time.

It is Official that my little girl is now a big girl. She now wears size XSML and SML in GIRLS!!

She is four years old!! She is so tall these days it is amazing. She LOVES the fact that is in the big girls section!

I know GOD has a plan for me...I have said it here many times. I just wish I could stopped messing it up!

I make so many mistakes it is hard to believe I am the age that I am. I truely feel 18 sometimes. I really know how to screw up.

Anyway....hope the PLAN is still on the right course.

HE knew...HE knew I could not take much more and HE made it happen....

I received a check in the mail. Not child support but a check of MUCH needed money. I now can pay child care.....

Thank You!

We had a great weekend. Busy but fun. Did a great deal of baby-sitting but really enjoyed it!

Did not see one of my friends too much.... :( .... but it was good weekend.

Went to a SpiderMan brunch on Sunday and the kids just LOVED it.

It is nice to come to work on Monday and say, "Yes, I had a great weekend"!