Getting Outside My Head

Yes, I have been at this job(not career) for 5 years. URGH!

It started out for just a year and I was going to save up and move to NY. Then...Miss M happened and I stayed.

5 years....time to move on or be a stay at home mom. Yes...I know dream!

Christmas at my parents was nice. However, my brother and his family did not show due to illness but we had a good time.

M had a great time playing with Nonna and I think Nonna had an even better time!

J and I stayed up New Years and he got M up to bring the new year. Earlier that evening M and I killed in poker. We played the Tx Hold Em game that J got me for christmas. It is the one that six people can play at once and everyone has their own controller. It was great...I pretty much won every game or M did. When you make your selection the announcer says what you chose so she would turn to me and say, "Mom..I called..or "Mom..I went all in". It was too cute.

We had a really good time. J is great with my parents. My dad can tell the same story over and over and J acts like it is the first time...that is really nice.

We had a great New Years hope you all did as well.

That is right....Texas won!! YaY!!!

J is a Calf guy...so it was fun to watch the game. Molly was all about Texas...she was too cute! She woke J up this morning with.."J TEXAS WON!" Too cute!

I am doing a great deal of soul searching these days. I found that I am extremely wishy washy. Those who know probably already know this.. And I and extremely forgiving, which some might not agree.

I have such a mechanism for overlooking what is really going on or ignoring it once it happens..that way I do not have think about it and it never happened. Yes...I know you would think I am a teenager...NOPE...that is the sad part.

Do...you stay where you are at because it provides, is comfortable and some what stable even though you are miserable most of the time or do you find what you want even though it might not provide as well but would make you happy and that would mean coming home happy and not always on a short fuse.

This adult stuff sucks.

Just getting some things out of me so that maybe it will help me move on from these thoughts. Too much going on again. My life I guess. I am starting to wonder would I really be happy with a happy life? I am too used to stressing and drama? I really hope not.

YaY...J bought this for me last night!

I am so excited! I better, I will use it. Do not have the time or money to join a club and I am horrible at making myself go walking so I thought about buying a really cheap machine. I have gained too much weight in the past two months..stress...binge eating....I have had to buy clothes because I can not fit into anything anymore. You would think I just had Molly...Nope...was skinny after I had her....all this weight has joined me over the past year. :( TIME TO GET RID OF IT!

Well...laying down on the couch with a horrible migraine J and M came in the door with my "skates" as M calls it.

I can see it now...put M down for bed...turn the TV on in my room and work out...that is how it works right...no, really I can see it.

I am a TV-aholic. I admit it. I LOVE my shows. I watched the new show Lov3Monk3y last night. I said I liked it and J was quick to say no more shows. But it has Jason Pre1stly in it...any 90210 fans has to watch..right?? Yes!

I have to admit I have shows on every night and some nights for three hours. I do not have Tivo. Yes...I know I would love it but it cost $. Anyway...some shows I will cook through, clean through and talk through..some..No Way! Comm Chief, LO$T, Srvivr and Grey$ Antmy...I want to listen to every word.

I am so sad. But I just really love my shows and love to chat about them. I realized today that I really only have one day that I do not have a show on and that is Saturday. J would like me to cut down my list...I think I can do that but not the above shows...those are my keepers. And come on...ya know I missing something here and there...oh yeah..I still watch One Tree hi11. Can't help it..really.

Great TV Monday, Tues and tonight I sure will be just as great. I can't wait already!

My girl is growing up so fast. She has hit a major growth spurt as well. The clothes she got at Christmas are pretty much too short now. She comes up to a little above my waist...it is amazing. If I have stated this before sorry...but man is she growing fast.

Her comprehension and vocabulary are amazing. She picked up a few phrases that I do not like too much at school but understands she is not allowed to say those things. Pretty much slang...but she still is not going to say them.

I have to be very careful about everything I say and what tone. She picks it all up. And from the moment I pick her up she never stops talking or singing until she goes to bed...actually she talks in her sleep too. She always asks questions to learn more. Loves to read books and understand them not just listen.

She is a great mommy as well. She asks me all the time if she is a good mommy to her babies and when I say yes...she just shines. She clothes her babies, feeds, plays, takes them to potty or changes diapers depending on age of course and puts them to bed. Her babies have to go to bed like her too. They have their own beds(usually the floor) with their pillows and blankets. It is like a slumber party every night and everyone gets kisses and huggs. It is really cute.

My girl is growing. I can not believe she is 3 1/2. I just love her so much...I could kiss and hug every second of the day if she would let me.

Anyway...just wishing I was at home with her now. Can't wait to pick her up and hear about her day. Oh last night at dinner it was quiet for a moment and she looked up and said, "So, how was your day mommy?". Let me answer and then looked at J and asked the same thing. My little lady!