Getting Outside My Head

Happy Belated Birthday C!

I love you and miss you.

All the tests came back fine. Stress...just like I thought.

It has been more than stressful these days. I have worked every weekend since New Years. Last Saturday I did not go in because Molly and I were both ill and I could not find a sitter. Molly came down with the flu(yes, she had a flu shot) last week. Had to miss several days from the office and because it was the flu I could not find a sitter nor wanted to ask anyone really. No one wants the flu!! I offered to bring her to the office but I think they finally realize that no work gets done with her there.

Our ENTIRE department is ill. Hmmm....stress and many long hours...no...can't be. We all have to work this weekend as well. Sat and Sunday. Urgh.

Things have been tough these days. Most days are pretty bad and here and there I might have a good one. It will pass...but I sure hope it hurries.

I have neglected friends and family and I do apologize for that behavior. Please know you are not forgotten..you are in my thoughts everyday at some point.

Molly is great but misses her mommy. She talks like a 10 year old. You can not get anything past her that is for sure. She told me the other day I was lying...my mouth pretty much dropped to the floor becasue I was...in a kidding way but I was! She is smart. But my favorite part is listening to her make up songs and read her books aloud. She sings the best "Tinkle Tinkle Little Star" I have ever heard. I know you are supposed to correct her when she does not pronouce a word properly but I love "tinkle tinkle".

Okay...off to do some homework C gave me. Bye.

So...things have slowed a tad bit at the office...ONLY a tad bit but something is better than nothing right.

Then Tues Molly comes down with some strange illness for about 12 hours so I had to call in at the office. Then just when I am thinking about the fact I do not have to work this weekend(even thought they want me too)...I wake Friday morning...feel good..ready for the day to start so that it can end and...I lose my vision again!

In the shower and it slowing goes blurry then gray and then doubled! I kept thinking it will stop soon right...because last time it only lasted about 10 minutes. 30 minutes later I am extremely worried and nauseas. I call the office and tell them I will be late. I tell M everything is okay. You see it was so bad that when I tried to walk I would run into things or fall down..no balance or judgement. I called J and he rushed over. I was starting to panic.

I was now throwing up about every 15 minutes from the nausea created by the double vision. J got Molly breakfest(I was unable), got her dressed and did her hair. He then had to help me. Thoughts of HG came back and I was thinking "there is no way I can go through another pregnancy". He helped us both to the car and took M to school and me off to the eye Dr.

I had to walk in with my eyes closed. After throwing up in the car(had a bowl) I decided the best things was just to keep both eyes closed. He walked me into the hospital where the Dr's office was located and I just let him lead the way. Great exercise on trust. Eye Dr found nothing. Sent me back to my other Dr and called them to say send me to a neurologist.

I have a MRI set for Monday. The double vision lasted about 6 hrs. My vision then returned to somewhat normal. I was able to open my eyes and function.

One theory is that I could be having silent migraines. I had migraines in my 20s but not since then. If this theroy is correct they may have to put me on daily meds. Not thrilled about that but never want to be in a situation where I can not take care of my daughter or it happen while driving.

Second theory..could be connected to the patch. I use "the patch" for birth control. My Dr was not too happy about that choice so no more patch. At least until this theory is rulled out.

And of course the last..something else could be wrong..more serious. But he is leaning to the migrain.

So...with all that is going on.....some things just don't change. It seems no matter what I do to try and change/help my life something always happens. I am sure my office is just so happy with me.

Oh well....I feel better today just extremely tired. I can't wait for the day to come when I am not tired.

MRI came back fine. I have an appt with a the head dr in a couple of weeks. So, it really sounds like this is stress. Yes,....on the extreme side but ya know if it was not totally over the top and on the high drama side...it just would not be me.