Getting Outside My Head

We had a great weekend. We spent time at friend's house Friday night and Miss Molly got to have her first chocolate chip cookie. Mommy was not too happy at first but everyone including Molly loved it. So, I finally joined it and let her have a fee bites but not the entire cookie. She played hard!

Then Saturday we went to another friend's home. She has a fifteen month, 13 and 10 year old. Molly had a blast! She played from the moment we arrived until 15 minutes after we left.

Sunday she was up around 5:00am teething. She went down for a nap at 8:30 and slept till 12:30!!! I was so excited. We both got a nap! She went down for 2 more hours late that afternoon. She was exhausted.

We played Sunday and all day Monday. She was so much fun. She actually wanted Mommy!! Normally she wants me in the room but it is extremely independant. This time she wanted love. She gave me huggs and kisses all day! It was WONDERFUL!

Together we had a great weekend.

On a sad note. My dog, Drops, passed away Sunday. She was an 11 year old toy poodle.

She has lived with my Dad and step-mom the past three years. I was working long long hours and did not have the time to take care of her properly. She has always had siezures and needed more attention. It was one of the hardest things I had done up to that time. I cried more than I would like to tell. I would visit her at my Dad's home and she was always so thrilled to see me. She was still my baby.

She died in her sleep. She had started changing over the past 6 months and really showing her age. Dad told me she had acted extremely different the past few weeks but he chose not to tell me. I think they both knew what was coming. My Dad was out of town and when the dog sitter came back in the afternoon she found Drops.

I am sure she is much better now. No more pain. I will miss her dearly. I do not even want to think of going to my Dad's home. I am so sad. Drops and I were together through so much. She was much more than a pet to me she was my baby.

She is still all about mommy. She lays her head on my shoulder and gives me kisses.....it is wonderful.

This week she has started a new game. Her care giver will hold her and she will act like she wants me but when I go to take her she pulls back to the care giver and cracks up. She is such a silly girl! She will do that about three times and then come to me.

Oh and her hair is really starting to come in. Hope it keeps up the pace so I can start using clips.

Anyway...have a good day.

Yes, it is monday. Not a bad day, not a good day...just a monday.

This is the start of an extremely stressfull week. Once Monday the 15th is complete I will breathe a little easier...I hope.

I have found a way to not hate him but am feeling hurt by him all over again as her 1st birthday approches. He acts hurt himself but I am sure that is all it is .....an ACT. I want so much to believe there is a person with soul somewhere in him but I have yet to see it.

Back to work for me and put this out of my mind.

Sound like an odd combination...well it was great. Wonderful sushi for lunch while swapping grandma stories. All types of stories..funny, touching, mean, personal...just stories.

On the way back we were telling one lines about out grandmas that were humorus...mainly how mean they could be and that made it funny and then out of the blue someone says..."Well my grandma didn't wear underwear!"

We all lost it! I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face and could not breathe. She had to stop driving she was laughing so hard. Then she topped it off with that she knew because her grandmother changed clothes in front of her several times and then we all lost it again. No one could top that story.

That was the best lunch. May not sound funny in print and without details but I am still laughing!

Monday is approaching. I am not sure why it is bothering me so much. It has taken almost a year to get this settled, but will it be settled, probably not. The money will be settled for now but my daughter still does not have a daddy. Money can not take the place of a father.

He has showed a little interest lately but I do not think it is real. I think it is more of what he thinks I want to hear and what will make keep me from getting upset.

I am just ready for this part to be over. My nerves are shot. I am sure it will be no big deal...just finalize and that is it but I am still on edge.

I am off this eveing to my dad's. He is babysitting for me tomorrow while I go the lake with friends. I hope I can get my mind off things for awhile and enjoy the boat, water, friends and BEVERAGES! :)

Well, of course the business that was supposed to be final today was cancelled. It will have to be rescheduled. So...it drags out again. I am so worn. I am ready for it to be final.

I was just talking about this with a few people last week so when I saw the article I thought I would share.

This happen yesterday in an extremely popular yuppy area. I go to this area many times for lunch and lived in the area for many years.

It sounds like something out of a movie. I know things like this happen eveyday but I guess it is different when it hits your own area.

So far my morning sucks!

This day has to get better.

Yesterday turned out ok. Just busy. My date from Monday did not get rescheduled yesterday as planned so they have to call back next week. I am sure I am looking at another month or two.

Next week is going to be crazy! My entire department will be out of the office. I will be covering. I look forward to the maddness but hope all goes well.

Everyone have a good day!

Weekend was not bad. I did not feel all that well Saturday but enjoyed my day with Molly. We played all day long. Sunday we went to her cousin's birthday party and Molly had a blast. She wanted to do everything the "big" kids were doing. She is growing up WAY too fast.

Overall....a good weekend.

I have been so busy that I have not updated Molly's life lately. She is on to what I call "people food" now. 100%.

Day care had been giving her a few things from time to time....pretty much not telling me about it though. Then a couple of weeks ago Molly's Nonna gave her turkey. She chewed it all up with no problem. I mentioned this to day care and I guess they thought it was ok for people food. They fed her regular lunch all last week! She had chicken, green beens, carrots, mached potatoes, grilled cheese and even spagetti and salad!

She did not choke once. She does not stuff her mouth and will not take a drink of her sippy cup till she swallows all her food. I fed her real dinner all last week and she loved it!

So, last night I went to the grocey store so I can start making dinner at home. I am used to not eating or cooking in the evening so that will be an adjustment. I hope I can cook without eating. I am affraid of gaining weight.

Okay...back to Molly. She is just getting too big. She wants to do everything herself. :( At least she still wants me in the room. :)

As soon as she takes a step I will be a posting fool. Not sure why she has not yet because she seems ready. She stands up and plays without holding and will walk all over the place if she is holding on to something. She concentrates will hard sometimes but then grabs hold of an object or the floor.

Must run now to call and check on my baby!

It is amazing how a day can change on a dime. My day was pretty good and now it is sh*t.

I caused one major part of it and I do not even know why. I knew the answers before I started, why did I think I needed to hear them again. I pushed and pushed hard but did not think how I would feel after the conversation.

One day I will be over him. It must happen right. I once said the worst thing that could happen to me was to become my mother.....and I think I have. I have been stuck on one man for the majority of my life and it has left me no where. Alone. Single with a child. I stat I never wanted to be.

I take full responsibilty. I just hate that Molly will suffer because of my actions. She deserves a father. She deserves a family. She deserves the only the best.

This is just a moment in time. I am "getting outside my head" right now so I can move on and finish out my day.

I will feel differently soon.

You will have to excuse anything I type this week. Extremely STRESSFULL week personally and professionally so my emotions are all over the place.

Sorry!!

I am back to hating him already! :)

My baby blew me a kiss good-bye this morning. She was so cute.

She actually wore a head band this morning for me and at school when she saw me get my keys she started to wave good- bye. I blew her a kiss and then she returned the kiss. It was wonderful. She uses the back of her hand instead of the palm...it was too cute!

Thanks Molly...mommy needed that! :)

I just said, "Dangit!"

I am such a dork!