Getting Outside My Head

It is month end/quarter end and I have been swamped. I enjoy the rush of deadlines but hate that I can not work late.

I know....I am a sad person...I actually enjoy working at times. I get a rush from a job well done.

I have to say though...after a rough day the best reward was NOT a drink it was my daughter. She was in the best mood. Laughed and giggled all night. It is just amazing how much I love her....I never thought I could love anything or anyone that much. She IS the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Ok...enough mush. Back to my busy job!

Have a good day!

Ok...I am so busy but my mind keeps wondering. So, three times I thought someone said something sexual when they did not. Too funny!

My friend at the office just cracks up each time she sees me. I can't help it though I really thought that is what the other person said. So far I embarrased two men! That is right men! They just turned red and walked off.

I think I shock people sometimes. Oh..and I know these guys well. No worries.

Focus...Focus....Focus! The problem is I am focused ...just on the wrong thing! The other will never happen so I need to focus on month/quarter end close! :)

I keep saying that to my eyes! I am so tired.

My tummy kept me up all night and then Molly had trouble sleeping as well. I would say I had about 3 hours sleep. When I was awake my mind was racing. I just kept thinking about all the bad things Molly's daddy has done to me and others over the past years. Then while asleep I would dream about being away from the office too much and needing to get back. Stress...stress..stress.

I am exhausted!

Molly and I had a great weekend. We spent half with Camille and Josh and half with each other.

We went with Camille and Josh and thier family to see fireworks for Molly's first 4th of July. She really enjoyed the entire evening! The fireworks had her full attention. She was not scared at all. As I watched Camille hold her and they both look up into the beatifully filled sky tears came to my eyes. I was so happy and yet so sad. I was glad I had the moment to share with Molly and sad for all those who did not have this moment. I am glad we shared the evening with Camille and Josh.

Saturday night we went back over to Camille and Josh's for dinner. They had a house full. It was a great evening. Molly laughed and laughed..she had a blast.

It was good to get out with Molly. I do not want her to be the hermit that I can be at times. She has such an outgoing personality and I want that to grow stronger and stronger.

Thanks guys! It was fun.

Ok, my friend Vicki has me addicted to yahoo! Blackjack.

She invited me to a game this past Thurs and now I am just drawn to it.

I need a Vegas trip bad!!!

My girl is sick.

Day care called yesterday around 4:45 and said she was running fever and it was probably teething. When I got there her temp was up to 101.6. She looked awful, it was not teething, the girl was sick. While at day care I gave her the rest of her bottle and she threw up all over the place! All over her, me and the floor. Poor thing. It just kept coming out.

She ran a high fever all night! We got about 3 or 4 hrs sleep. I took her to Donna's this morning and then had to drive all the way back after an hour to take her to the Dr. They said it is a virus. All I can do is treat the fever with Motrin and hold her. I then took her back to Donna's and came back to the office. Poor baby just feels yucky. I HATED leaving her.

That was yesterday. She continued to run fever last night.

Staying home with her today. She is doing better but still running a fever. Hopefully she will be better tomorrow. I am going to try and take her to day care if she does well this evening.

My poor baby.

Ok..Molly just found my flower tatoo on my ankle.

She was on the floor playing and I stood up and took a moment to watch what was on Oprah. I felt little fingers on my ankle...touching and then rubbing. I looked down and she had one hand holding ankle and she was running her other hand over my tatoo.

She was staring hard, her little eyebrows crinkled together with a rather puzzled look on her face. She kept trying to pick up the flower and when that did not work she tried rubbing it off. Frustrated she sat back and looked up and said, "Hmmmppp", then turned back to Oprah and started dancing to Celine.

Too cute!!!

Molly is feeling better. Fever is down. Yay!

She craweld! Yes...that is right she finally crawled at 8 1/2 months.

She had scooted across the room and was close to a corner. I turned and to tell Molly to get back over here and all I got out was "Moll......".

There was my baby girl taking her first several crawl steps. She crawled to the back door, grabbed a piece of paper and turned and smiled. :)

She has been a crawling fool since then, but the funny thing is.....she does not realize she knows how to crawl. If I call her over to me she tries and tries but just can not do it. However, if she sees something of mommy's then she is off!

Camille and I went yesterday to purchase baby gates and a big girl car seat. That is right...my girl is growing. No more carrier car seat it is time to move up.

Thanks for all your help Camille. As always...I do not know what I would do without you.

MY GIRL IS CRAWLING....YAY!!

I am watching Melrose Place on the Style channel. It is the episode where Kimberely comes back. I forgot how pycho she was. Good ol' Sydney gets dumped again.

Hmmm...I hear a little body crawling around...I think someone is up from her nap.

See ya!

My girl has her first tooth!

I thought I saw it Sunday but could not get the girl to show it to me again. Felt a little something but was not sure. Last night when I was feeding her the spoon felt like it was sliding across something....it was....... her tooth!

She has been doing really good on the teething part. She wakes up a few times at night a lets out a few little cries and then goes right back to sleep. She is so tough. The Dr said she was teething on top and bottom...at the same time. OUCH!

My baby girl is growing up so fast. I will have to take some new pics and post. She has changed so much. Oh.....I just want to go pick her up and kiss her all day!

Her first tooth..... :)

I hate it when people lie to me. It makes my blood boil.

Why is it so damn hard to tell the truth? Even if it is going to hurt the other person the truth is ALWAYS better than the lie!

You know it is the small things that give me goose bumps, that fill my heart with so much love.

Yesterday I had to run to the store for a few items after I picked up Molly. She loves going to the store now because she gets to sit in the cart like a big girl and check out everyone. So, my girl was being a quiet baby and just kinda haning out while I looked over the papertowel section. I had one arm resting on the cart and the other was on my hip. While trying to make the difficult decision of which brand to purchase, I felt a little hand grab my fingers and just hold on. She was just holding my hand, not shaking it up or down, not playing in any way....just holding me. A tear almost dropped as I turned to look at my sweet baby girl. She looked right into my eyes and I could hear what she was saying so I replied with, "I love you too sweetie".

It was the first time I felt pure unconditional love from just a touch in an extremely long time. I will remember that moment forever.

This has been the week from hell. I am so glad it is almost over.

Hopefully, the last issue will be resolved today. It has been so stressfull and emotional. I am just drained!

I still am amazed at how awful a person can be. He must have no soul...but I really hope that is not true. It is just so hard to believe that he is part of Molly. Sometimes I wish I did not know the truth.

Oh well, enough of that.

I have been watching, of course, but have not talked about the show yet. I like the idea of the X Factor; great surprise for the houseguests. The people seem to be fun and interesting.

BUT....you have the makings for GREAT TV and what do they do....edit the hell out of the show. They left out SO much of the Scott ordeal and the Dave and Amanada hook up. They have wanted sex in the house since the show started and they finally get and leave out everything that led up to the hook up.

Some great stuff is going on and I am shocked at what they decide to put on the air. It is so boring compared to the live feed. (no, I do not watch the live feed but I do read several peoples site that do)

I will still watch but will have to continue to read the live feed reports for the good stuff. I am so addicted to reality tv....I am a SAD human. :)

We had a great time! Molly had her first animal crackers and cookies.

I only know one way to attach pics so here they are...sorry.

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she has another tooth!!! One right next to the other. So now she has two on the bottom that you can feel and see and two on top that are about to break the skin.

She is such a big girl! oh....one more thing..she is so tough. With all this teething the girl is fine...and Drops(my toy poodle that lives with my Dad) bit Molly this weekend and she did not even cry. She got a little pissed but that was all.

She is one tough cookie!

When I was pregnant with HG, Camille posted about me and the illness. Since then many women have commented on the post. Today, Camille posted that she still receives new entries and that she sent an email to O to suggest a show on HG. I was happy that she made the request, I have made the same in past to O.

After reading her post, I read comments of the women who spoke about their HG. It took me back to the memories of my pregnancy. These women had the exact same thoughts as myself. I felt so alone, like I was going to die, that I would never have a normal life, that I would be in and out of the hospital forever, that I would never have the energy to stand for more than a few minutes....the illness takes control of you completely. They were able to put to words what I could not.

Cindy, take a moment and read the comments and maybe then you might have some idea of how horrible it was and why I feel betrayed that you did not take the time to learn about HG. I am trying to get past what happened between us but I guess I am not there yet.

When my brother had his first child his wife had a girl. He made it clear that she was not a girlie girl and we could not purchase pink clothing, hats, headbands or cute shoes. She was going to be a tomboy...end of story.

So now....Deanna is the biggest girlie girl you have ever met. Has to have nail polish on her nails, only wants to wear dresses, has to have on cute shoes and always wants her hair done. My brother had no choice but to just give up.

My fear......since Deanna is a girlie girl I would have the tomboy. I dress Molly in dresses, she has shoes to match EVERYTHING, she wears hats and handbands, I even match her pacifiers to her clothes.

My fear came true today......this moring at day care Miss Brenda says, "Molly is such a little tomboy....she crawls all over this floor and climbs and falls and just keeps going ". This a women that has been taking care of children for 10 years..she knows her stuff.

I have been worried because she is so tuff. The Dr took blood one day and the girl did not even cry. Not a tear or sound! She did NOT get that from me. Last night she fell and hit her cheek. She let out a small cry and that was it. She just continued to play. I looked back after that and her cheek was bright red and started to swell. The girl was just playing and singing. She is tough!

So....Of Course..I will have the tomboy. No girlie girl for me. :( That is ok though...there are plenty of cute tomboy clothes out there!

Molly's check up went great! She is 19lbs and 27 inchs long. She in the 50% tile for weight, height and head circumference. She was above average on motor skills, problems solving and hand eye coordination. She was very impressed with Molly. Yay!!!

My tough girl came out again! They took two vials of blood, TB test(they stick a long needle up her arm and inject stuff) and a shot in her leg and the girl never shed a tear!!! Not even a cry! She just gave the nurse an annoyed look and then smiled at her when it was all done. The nurse was rather surprised. She thought she would at least cry with the last shot. Nope..not my girl! Now momma on the other hand almost passed out.

In the waiting room she was singing and laughing. She was so cute. Other children that were older were so shy, but not Molly. She talked to the fish in the tank and played with all the puzzles. She would sit and stare and then move the pieces around the bar.....I was shocked that she figured that out! Another mother asked me how old she was and was impressed with her skills. :)

In three months she will be ONE! I can't believe a year has gone by so fast!

The shirt I am wearing today is cut low in the front and back, a scoop neck. I have a tatoo on my back below my neck and between my shoulders. I forget about it all the time.

This morning while driving to work it dawned on me that I was wearing the blouse that shows my tatoo. You can see it with this blouse but my hair is covering it. I did not have time to go the house but thought since my hair covers it no one would notice.

WRONG! While walking out of a meeting with the CFO, he calls me back in and says.."Shel I did not know you had a tatoo. Let me see". I almost died. I apologized for wearing the shirt that I did not think about the fact you could see it. He was cool with the whole thing. Asked many questions and said he had no problem with it at all.

Glad he was in a good mood. I think he was shocked about me not the tattoo. I just told him that I usually end up surprising the hell out of many people. :)

I had a friend over Sunday. It was the first time she has seen Molly. I was so exicted to see her and was enjoying myself so much that I was the WORST hostess ever.

I had planned to set out fruit and cheese and then chips with salsa and queso. For lunch I was going to make my Enchilada Casserole. Well....lost track of time and waited till the last minute so I did not get the casserole prepared ahead of time. I thought I would just put it together while she was there.

She gets there and I serve margaritas and we sat talked. About a hour and half later I put out chips and salsa. I made sure her glass never got empty but I NEVER fed her. That was all the food I put out. We drank the entire pitcher of margaritas and had a few chips. I felt so bad. Time just flew by and the next thing I know fours had passed.

I am so sorry Nancy. I really had the day planned. I guess I just got caught up in the conversation. It was so great to see you.

So...good conversation, good entertainment(Molly) but bad hostess.

Ok...the last time I had my hair cut was March 27th 2003!!! My hair grows fast so believe me it needs to be cut bad!!!!!!!!! My bangs are out of control.

Yesterday a mom at daycare said.."I wish I had your patience to let my hair grow out." Me: "Patience....this is called NO baby sitter!"

So, today I am leaving early to get my hair cut. I am so excited. Now, I will not like it the first two weeks because he always cuts my bangs too short due to the fact he knows it will be forever till I come back. But after that I will be happy.

Ahhh..the simple pleasures of life...a nice glass of wine while I get my hair done.

Camille and I are having a girls night out Saturday for my birthday.

I am so excited. However, I have no idea where to go since I have not been out in so long. A friend recommended Dragonfly at Hotel ZaZa for dinner. I think I would like it but I am not sure if Camille will...pricey and a place to be seen but it sounds cool. I am so out of touch these days. After that I am not sure.......maybe Mick's on Greenville for drinks....I don't know.

Camille...any thoughts???

Ok...this morning as I was about to get Molly up when the electricity went out. I went outside and looked around and the entire area was out. At first I thought, no big deal I am dressed no need for electricity....may lose some things in the frig but not big deal. Then it hit me....I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY GARAGE!!! I tried to find a way to open it but no luck. Then I realized...if we do not have electricity then the gates will not open either!

That is right....I was stuck. After about 20 mins I called the office and day care and left a message that I could not get out and would be there as soon as I could. Finally about an hour later it came back on. Got Molly and off we went. Day care kinda laughed at me...no big deal.

I walk into the office and the Director of Accounting says..."Ya know...I have heard the dog ate my homework....I left my report at home and had to go back and get it.....left something in my wife's car......but this is a new one....'Can't come into today because I am locked in the garage'"....lol....

I explained that I looked for a release but I could not find one. It is not a home garage so there are no locks or handles.. He got a good laugh out of me this morning. I really need to write a book....no one would believe the crazy stuff the happens to me. ...lol...

I went to lunch with a guy I worked with 2 years or so ago. We get together for lunch several times a year.

Today when he saw me walking up the first thing he said was "Look at you!!! You are so skinny...you look great!" I love this man.

He said it several times and again when we left. Could not tell you what else we talked about...... LoL..... I just remember that one line.

Oh and we are just friends. He is married and thinking about starting a family.

That was great to hear. I just love this man! :)

Well, my Dad is not taking Molly this weekend so I will have to get my brother to baby sit Saturday night. That means no late night for me because I will have to be up early to take care of Molly.

So, change of plans. Maybe a long dinner and then home. That is ok though I will still enjoy the evening.