Getting Outside My Head

Ok...I really need to get outside my head! I have way to much going on and to top it off I have had this cough thing for over 6 weeks and I am really tired of it.

My head just spins and spins and I am so darn dizzy most of the day....URGH! I do not have time for this.

I WILL feel better soon. :)

I think we all have a plan. A plan that is set for us by another power of some kind. Not that we do not have control of our lives but just that things happen for a reason.

I am trying hard to figure out my plan. I have had it better than others and worse than others. I have had struggles, abandonment, independence, pride, selfishness, selflessness and utter betrayals by the ones I love.

Is this a plan of hardship for me so that Molly never has to feel this pain.

Yes, I watch American Idol. I do like Josh, I think he will be a great country singer.

Last night he was finally voted off. At the end of the show he sang one of his favorite country songs to his daughter. He was holding her and singing to her...my tears were flowing.

At the end he points and touches her and the screens goes off. It was a beautiful moment to me.

Yes...I am a sap.

My girl is on her third week of baby food. First green beans, went well, then bananas, went well and now sweet potatoes. She likes them but her tummy don't!

The DR and the books say to stick with the same food for 4 days and then another new one for 4 days until you go through all of them to see if any allergic reactions develope. After that you can mix and match.

4 days of sweet potatoes was just a little too much for the girl. She is a poopin queen. Every diaper...poop! Well, poor thing has developed her first diaper rash. :(

I felt so bad for her. She just screamed last night when I cleaned her and applied Desitin. She looked much better today but still cried when I got to the Desitin. :(

She started pears today. Maybe that will be better on her tummy.

since I have blogged. If it is not one thing it is another.

Molly is great but my body finally gave out. I have been fighting an illness for about a month now and this weekend it all built up. I was out Monday and Tues, I do not call in for me anymore so you know I was sick.

Got some good drugs(baby friendly) from the doc and was out. Slept from 9:30ish till 5:00ish Monday, Tues from 10:00is till 2:00 and then 2:30 till 5:00.

Woke up this morning and feel sooooo much better. I am extremely tired but over all feel good. I hate being ill especially now. I feel guilty. I push myself and play with Molly as much as possible when I probably should rest, but I just feel guilty that she does not have someone else.

Anyway...feel better now! Molly's kisses and laughter made me all better! :)

I think I need a date. I am not ready for a steady but a date would be nice. Or even going out with friends to a bar for drinks, going to see a new band or play or even going to Dave-n- Busters for drinks and games.

It sure would be nice to go out with a man that I appreciate and appreciates me. I miss the feeling of a man holding my hand and laughing at my jokes. I miss lookinging to thier eyes and listening to what is going on in thier life.

Oh well....just thought. I need an adult night soon. :)

Yes, like 90210, I am a Dawson's fan. Last night was the 2 hour series finale.

OMG! I cried for two hours. I am talkin about ugly can't breathe crying! It was so sad. The story with Jen tore at my heart strings. It is my greatest fear now that I have a child.

She developes an illness and dies. She has a one year old daughter. It was heart wrenching. Molly sat in front of me and played so she did not see me crying most of the time.

Joey ends up with Pacey. Yea!! I always liked those two together. And yes, Dawson gets a meeting with Spielberg.

It was all about soulmates. That was upsetting to me as well. It hit home in so many ways. It was a great cry! I hate that Jen died, I wish it could have been a happy ending, but it was a great series ending overall.

Ok....the girl went through a stage of sleeping face down!! Right on her little nose!

I walked into her room to check on her before I went to bed last week and she was face down. It took my breath away. I was so scared. I walked over to the crib and lightly, very lightly touched her back to see if she was breathing.

The girl jumped straight up on her hands and started looking around...I duck under the crib as fast as I can. If she was to see me she would wake and start crying, so I had to hide.

I sat there relieved that she was ok, cracking up at our reactions and freaked out that she was sleeping that way.

She went right back to sleep on her nose! I waited a little while longer and then turned her over. Checked again later...she was on her nose again.

This went on for two nights. I would turn her over and she would get pissed and start crying. I finally called the Dr and they told me to turn her only if she was in a deep sleep. If she was not, to leave her alone. They said she could breathe fine, it was ok. Can I tell you I did NOT sleep for three or four nights! I had to keep checking on her.

She has finally kicked the habit. She will now turn her head to the side.

It was just to so funny when I touched her...she jumped up so quick and started looking around. I scared the poopy out of her and she did the same to me. I will not forget that night for a long time.

I had to remove the bumper pads from Molly's crib. She is now at the age that she will snuggle up to the railing, so the pads must go.

This has created a little problem. My girl likes to throw her paci in her sleep. Sometimes it would go over the bed but usually the bumper kept it in. Well...now you see a problem. She started waking several times at night because she could not find it. She would throw it through the railing. I think it is her safetly net ya know...sometimes the girl just wants to hold it.

I started leaving several pacis in the crib. One has a little handle on it that swings back in forth. So, you can guess what that became...her toy. She would hold it by the rubber and rattle the darn thing all night. I kept hearing.."click click clikc click" of the plastic hitting.

Well, that one came out. She moved on and decided she would put one in her mouth and hit another on the railing, so heard the exact same noise only a little louder. So...I took another one out.

One morning she had thrown all her pacis on the floor. I was busy with morning routine and I hear.."click click click" coming from upstairs. I get up there and she is on her back playing the drums on her railing with her hands and feet.

She was just smiling and playing away. She was having a blast. When she saw me she started laughing...she is just too darn cute!

My girl really LOVES music...and you know what she really likes is COUNTRY music! How funny is that!

This weekend if she would get fussy I would flip over to the music channels. She just loved to watch and listen to the country videos. That tv had her full attention.

She really likes it when I sing along to a song. She just smiles...she is probably laughing at the fact that I can not sing. Don't care though..as long as it makes my baby smile..I will be a singing fool!

Okay, so they're not new. Shelby gave them to me over a month ago to scan and well...I forgot. So here they are.

My father and step-mother have Molly this weekend.

I went out with a friend of mine Friday. I had a great evening. We went to our old stomping ground for drinks and dinner. I was shocked to find out the same manager was still there! Must be a good paying gig.

I actually had a nice dinner out. It was wonderful. I savored every bite. From there he suggested Dave-n-Busters. I was not sure if I wanted to go but once we were there it was fun.

He taught me how to play shuffleboard. He kicked my butt. That was ok..because I knew I would beat him at video games. Well....I was wrong!! He killed me all night! I had a blast.

He may have been a little disappointed because I could not drink like I used too. I slowed way down and by 11:00 I had to go home. I was exhausted. He did not seem to mind too much.

Thanks so much for a great evening!

I went to a movie this morining, Bruce Almighty. I enjoyed it. I would not say I am a Jim Carrey fan, but I might be now.

I laughed out loud pretty much during the entire movie. Actually so did the entire theater. I was not in the mood for a comedy, but it was the only movie starting when I got there. I am glad I went. It was really funny!

And you know...he looked pretty darn cute too!!

To me the two do not mix. I do not think a movie theater is the place for a baby. I feel it is just too loud and a baby does need to watch these movies either.

I know many people feel differently. I have friends who have taken thier babies to the movies at very young ages. It is just not for me. I can not understand the way of thinking that justifies the selfishness.

One response I was given was.."Well do you expect me to stop living?...The baby has to adjust to me." I do not expect people to stop living, but when you have a baby the best interest of the baby comes first. You might have too give up a few things.

There were three babies in the theater today. Two woke up and were not happy. The parents did not leave. They worked at getting the baby quiet and continued to watch the movie. One of these couples had thier other child with them as well. She was about 7 or 8...way TOO young for this movie.

Oh well....that was my vent for the day.