Getting Outside My Head

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

I am so glad you were born on this day 30 years ago. If it were not for that day I would not be the person I a today. You are a wonderful influence in my life and I know Molly will learn so much from you.

I know I do not share my true feelings much, but please know I love you. You have been by my side forsaking yourself this past year. Not many people would do that for someone. I feel an unconditional love that I trust for the first time in my life.

Thank you so much for blessing me with your friendship and love.

This is a great day. It is the day you were born. Happy Birthday.

I love you.

shel/

My girl is really ill. I have been trying to tell others for two weeks that she is sick but no one would listen. Day care continuely would say she was not coughing and was eating fine. See when Molly is sick she is still happy baby. Not as happy mind you but she still smiles. At a temp of 102 she was still trying to smile and not crying. She just whimpers that is all...it is heartbreaking. I have lost many tear this week.

Molly has been coughing for about 2 weeks and her eating habits changed. She started running fever Monday night so I took her to the Dr Tues. She said Molly had a cold and it would have to run its course, that I was doing all the right things.

As the week progressed so did her cold. She got to were she could barely swallow and would not eat. Her cough was MUCH worse and she lost her voice.

Camille is the best. I called to tell her happy birthday this morning and was not going to tell her how sick Molly was so it wouldnot ruin her day. Well of course I could not keep it from her.

After we got off the phone she called me back as asked if she could come up to the Dr's office to be with us. I told her not too..it is her birthday and I wanted her to enjoy the day with her husband. I finally gave in and said yes.

I am so glad she came and spent the time at the dr's office and hospital. I wanted her there but did not want to ask. I ment so much to me. When Camille is around I can get so much strength from her.

Thank you so much. You have the biggest heart and sweetest soul. Thank you for your support and spending part of your birthday helping us.

I love you.

My girl is still sick but at least the high fever is gone. We are home today and my father is going to drive into town tomorrow to stay with her.

I need to go to the office because it is month end. The Dr said she would prefer Molly to stay home a little longer regardless of fever so I was not sure what to do.

I am thankfull my dad and step-mother are coming to sit for her. I really did not want to have to take her to day care. I hated to ask but I did not know what else to do.

So, she is on the road to recovery ...just that there yet.

Is it crazy that I stayed home with Molly, who was very ill and running a high fever, Saturday night and missed Camille's birthday dinner????

Camille understood why I did not make it. My girl was ill...if anything went wrong I think I should be there to handle it and I WANTED to be there.

Several people(mothers), knowing Molly was ill, have asked me "So, how was Camille's party?". Now they ask this after we have spoken about Molly's illness.

I am I nuts? Am I too overly protective??

Molly is feeling much better!! YAY!!!!

She had 4 1/2 bottles at day care and then ate twice last night. She woke up at 4:00am and was hungry and then at 6:00am wanted alittle more! :)

I am so glad she feeling better!!! She had only one coughing episode last night and then one when she woke up.

Ahhh....baby girl is back!

I am so tired. This week has caught up with me.

However, I can't wait to pick up Molly girl so we can play. I keep picturing her smiling and laughing...I am ready for the real thing.

But now...the girl is going to bed on time so Mommy can get some shut eye too. I get to sleep in tomorrow....6 or 7...I am so excited. YAY!!!

See what my life has been reduced to..I am excited about sleeping till 7am. :)

(well worth it!)

I finally got my eyebrows waxed!! They have needed it for awhile now.

I was getting ready to run some errands with Molly and thought..."Hmmm if my brother would sit for her I could get my eyebrows done". So, I called him up and he said yes. I was so excited and it was so nice of him to do it at such short notice.

I wanted to get the nails done as well but I had already been gone a hour and 1/2 so I thought I should get back. He ended up staying till 7:45 so I could have got them done. Oh well...the most important task was completed.

I feel so much better!! The eyebrow thing was really bothering me.

Had a great day. Today is my step-mother's birthday so they came down and my brother and his family came over. We were going to my brother's house but at the last minute he called and asked to come to my place instead.

I threw together a few appetizers and we ordered pizza.(ok..we had already planned on ordering pizza for the day) I was impressed with myself..that I was able to come up with a few apps.

We had a great day. The kids played and played. Molly laughed so hard today..it was so darn cute!!! I think I fall more in love with her everyday.

Well, I am exhausted so I am off to bed. We really had fun today.

Ok...I am officially a mom. Today I am wearing two DIFFERENT black shoes!!

For those who know...this NEVER happens!!!

I always check and double check and triple check. I several colors of the same shoe. I love to wear loafer type shoes...similar to men's yet feminine. I have two pairs of black, dull and shiney. Well..I have one of each on today. And the thing is...the dull pair has a slightly higher heel! I did not notice till I got out of the car at the office. I just started laughing.....

I laughed all the way into the building. One women on the elevator had to ask what was so funny. I can not believe I have done this. I will obsess over this all day. I was just in such a hurry this morning. ...lol..

Too funny!!!

Sorry Josh!

Just heard that Spielberg announced that he is NOT putting the orginal Star Wars trilogy on DVD.

Hope is not true. :(

_______________
OK:::OOPS! I was in a hurry...I meant Lucas. Too funny!

I have so much to say yet I can not at the moment.

When all is done and over I am sure I will comment about a few things.

I want to believe there is good in everyone. That maybe I see something others can not. But I have been wrong for a long time about something others could see from the start.

I am sad. I am hurt. I am anrgy.

Not even sure why I am posting. I am just at a loss. I want to vent, to scream and cry, to just get noticed.

My mood will change. This will pass and I will learn from it. It will only make me stronger.

You know some women do not like flowers, they say that flowers just die and wilt. Well, I am NOT one of those women. I LOVE flowers.

Camille has the best husband.

Thank you Josh for the beautiful flowers. They were sent as a Thank You...so you bad people get rid of those evil thoughts. You are welcome and I enjoyed helping out.

I just love to receive flowers and that does not happen too much. They arrived on a day that I really need them.

Thank you so much Josh.

Thank you Camille. I appeciate you giving up your time to ease my mind.

I definitely felt better with you there with me. You helped calm my nerves.

Thanks again for everything.

I had to run by the bank today for the company. I was going to cash a check while I was there but right as it was my turn to pull up I dropped my drivers license between my seat and the console. I could not reach it at all. The teller asked what I was looking for so I explained. He asked how much I was going to cash and then said "No, problem. I will take care of it."

So then on I went to Target. I have needed to get diapers and formula all week. I used the last of the formula last night.(yes, I am still breastfeeding. It is used for supplements) Something had come up each day that prevented me from going.

While in the diaper isle, a young women walked up and was trying to find the right diaper. She had to be in her late teens or early 20s. She was pacing the isle looking at prices. She stopped and then started counting her money. I mention that LUVs were a good brand and cheaper than some others. She mentioned that her baby has really sensitive skin but she only had $3.00 so she was going to buy the cheapest. The cheapest ones were $6.99.

At this point she pulls out a bag of coins(mostly small coins) and starts to count. My heart broke. I opened my purse and pulled out $10.00. I turned to her and said "Please take this $10.00. Your baby needs diapers. I am a single mom and understand money difficulties." She was extremely hesitant. She started to cry. She told me that she was in school and working and tyring to raise the baby. I replied, "Please take it...your baby needs it...really I understand." She finally took the money.

She asked my name and thanked me while tears filled her eyes.

Thank you to the bank teller that cashed that small check so that I had cash to give her.

Miss Molly looked so adorable this morning. Her Nonna got her the cutest outfit for Valentine's Day. A red onies with a hearts stitched into the top corner and bows on the sleeves by her wrists. The pants are the best. Red and white checked pants(like a picnic table cloth) that have two rows of buttons instead of a button fly. Does that make sense? With a red jacket with heart outlines sketched on the bottom and around the back and heart buttons.

She looked so cute! Hopefully the pictures will come out ok and I(Ok..Camille) will post. It was like Christmas. I had a card for her and three gifts. A prayer lamb, teething butterfly toy and rattle type toy(everyone was out of cute bears). The prayer lamb is cute. It is extremely soft and when you press the belly it plays the "Lay me down to sleep" prayer spoken by a child.

And I signed my first card to my baby. I started to sign, Shel, as always and realized I am not Shel to her I am mommy. I shed tears as I signed Mommy for the first time.

This is the best Valentine's Day I have ever had!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Annessa had this posted on her site for all her friends going through difficult times.

Thanks.

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Went to dinner with Camille and Josh last night. See her entry for the low down.

While the food was dissappointling, the company was great. They invited both Molly and I. I was hesitate to take Molly...a saturday night at 7:00pm, but it worked out great. When we walked in there were two other infants so I felt more comfortable. Molly had a great time!! Camille took a few pics..maybe she will post them later.

Got Molly home..she eat and crashed. I enjoyed it so much. It helped take away the trama of going to public places with Molly. She did just fine. No crying and I feed her while we were there(bottle) and then went smooth too. :)

Thanks guys!

Ok, the other day when Camille was over she was amazed at how many pairs of shoes Molly has. SHe decided to count them...well she counted 9 and there was another pair in Molly's bag so that makes 10.

While she was counting I stated I still needed two more. An off white pair and some little boots(like Docs or Timberlands). Camille just laughed. I had never counted them and not really thought that much about it. At school one teacher has stated that she thinks Molly has more shoes than some adults. I just smiled and laughed. Thinking of course that Molly does not have enough shoes.

Last night Camille said, "Molly has 10 pairs of shoes and she is only 3 1/2 months old". That is when I thought.."Hmmm..maybe I am little obsessive about buying her clothes and shoes." ..LOL..

Oh well..at least she has cute shoes...and again she still needs two more! But wait...spring is coming and she will need spring and summer shoes. I can't wait!!

Here they are.

That is all I have to say about today!

Miss Molly was in such a good mood this morning. We played and sang while getting dressed this morning. On the way to day care I sang to her and she would sing back...it was soooo cute! (song: This Little Light of Mine)

I handed her over to Miss Brenda and she was listening to me talk and just a smiling. Miss Stormy noticed she was wearing a new pair of shoes. (Ok..wait Camille...I have had them but this was the first she has worn them..I did NOT buy a new pair.) :) When I started to tell Miss Stormy about the shoes, Molly let out a big 'ol giggle. She was just too cute! I just keep picturing her standing on Miss Brenda smiling at me.

Oh...I miss her today. I am showing her off though. Brought some new pics to work.

I have joined a new group, Blogging Mommies.

For you mommies out there this is a site where many different mommies share their stories. So please browse through the links. I am sure you will enjoy the site, I know I did.

I just received a wonderful card from my friend Carla.
_______________________

I can be changed by what happens to me.

I refuse to be reduced by it.

In the face of such uncertainty,
believe in these two things-

you are stronger than you think,
and you are not alone.

Maya Angelou

My girl is 4 month old today!! Can you believe it?? I can't.

She is growing up too fast!!! I want that tiny little girl back...yet I can't wait to have a real conversation with her. My girl. WoW... this is really great!

She looked so adorable today! She is wearing an outfit a friend gave her from Old Navy. White turtleneck that is frilly at end of the sleeves and neck, hippy style pants that are blue with polka dots is different shades of blue and a light blue fleece jacket. Oh and white boots. She looks so cute!!!! I had to take a few pics today.

And at daycare Miss Susie told me where to find shoes!! Some Mary Jane's in cream and navy. I have to go get them this weekend! Of course then Miss Stormy had to speak up and say Molly already had 10 pairs of shoes. Don't care..she needs those colors!!!

:)

My girl pooped all over her cute outfit. :(

Glad I got those pics this morning.

I called to check on her and the director got on the phone to tell me how cute her outfit was but that Molly was wearing a pink outfit now. Molly had just blessed this new outfit and was one to the next wardrobe change. Miss Molly has had to have a wardrobe change twice this week. I think she just likes to model her cute clothes......yeah that is what it is.

Well..I finally did it. I went out Saturday night and got a sitter for Molly.

I felt so guilty. My brother and his family kept Molly. They had a great time. My niece was so thrilled to take care of her cousin Molly.

I went with Carla, my friend from the office, and her twin sister and two friends of theirs. I actually went out with single people. We had dinner at Carla's house and then on to see the Kodo Drummers at SMU. It was wonderful! Those drummers are amazing. The strength and energy the drummers have is incredible. I was in awe.

So, for the first night out as a person, not a mommy, was great. I did have to call and check on her after dinner and then went straight to pick her up after the show. But I really enjoyed the evening.

Molly must have had a good time because she slepted till 5:00am (no waking up wanting her paci), I fed her and the slepted till 9:30am!!!! It was so nice. I had to check and make sure she was breathing a few times!

I went out to dinner with my friend and her family Sunday evening. Her entire family gets together for dinner once a month and birthdays at an italian restaurant. There were about 10 adults and 10 kids.

It was fun. The food was wonderful and the conversation was good.

My friend just had her third child, he is 10 months. He is a cutie. It was intereting though because she kept saying "the baby" will be(sit) here. Well, everyone thought she meant Molly but I knew she did not. She and her husband were going to sit by the end of the table and put the 10 month in a high chair at the end. She was going to have me sit in middle and put Molly on the floor in her car seat. Hmmm...I DON'T THINK SO.

Day care just called. Molly just threw up all over herself and her bed. They said her sheet and pillow are soaked. :(

They said at the moment she is ok and they will call me if she does it again. That I do not have to pick her up yet but might want to get her early today.

Poor Molly her tummy must hurt. What did I do?? or eat that is??? I have been real careful. :(

Well, it is still pure ice out there! No chance of this stuff melting until sometime tomorrow. See Camille's site for pictures.

Guess we will see what tomorrow brings.

Molly had her four month check up. She is 14lbs and 24 inches. That puts her at the 50% tile on weight and height. My girl is getting too big.
I want her to stay little forever! She is just growing and learning so fast.

Dr. did say she was above average on her skills. Her attention to her surroundings, motor skills, her trying to crawl and speech(her cooing, squeling and trying to talk..she will let you talk and then she will make sounds and then let you talk again..etc). So that was good news.

WoW...4 months and 1 week old. :)