Getting Outside My Head

I ready to move on. Last year was really bittersweet. Bitter most and then sweet as ever as Molly entered my life.

I look forward to my new life with my daughter. I think it will be a hard year but a great one. My life has changed for the better and I am ready to take off and soar through the clouds and glide across the grass. Take life in, planet roots and grow the most beautiful trees. I am ready to enjoy life to have a half full glass.

I am ready to be a better person a better friend and the best mother I can be for Molly.

I know this is a bunch of mush..but I am ready to grow up I guess and stopping waiting for my life to begin. I have waited for 32 years....and just realized that it had begun a long time ago and I failed to notice.

Cheers to the new year.

New Year's Eve I baby-sat my brother's children, Deanna 3 and Shawn 2. Shawn gets into everything and really needs to be surpervised at all times. I asked my brother what I should do when I need to feed Molly because I normally go into a private room, he said.."just feed her they will not even notice or care."

Molly's Dr has been telling me that she wants Molly in her crib by 2 months of age. I told her that she does not sleep in bed with me she sleeps in a craddle next to the bed but the Dr was still insistant.

I kept finding excuses not to put her in her crib. I am so used to her being right there next to the bed. I can check on her at any time(I am still in the phase of checking to make sure she is breathing). Now I would wake VERY OFTEN..every time her breathing changed or she moved so this means very little sleep for me.

I received the best Christmas present ever over the weekend. Camillespent the afternoon with Molly and I saturday and she brought us presents.

She had out together a picture book of Molly from pregnancy to 6 wks of age. It is wonderful! I love that it starts with the sonogram pictures. I think Molly will get a kick out of it when she is older.

Thank you so much Camille. I will cherish this gift forever!

Ok..tv-aholic Shel is back. This years challenge between Real World and Road Rules on Mtv started Monday. It has both groups mixed but divided by boys vs girls. After each challenge each group has to vote a member out and the ones in the end win $150,000.

I always liked(past tense) Melissa from Real World/New Orleans, even have some of her art, but after her actions on the show I think I have changed my mind.

Camille brought over some of the cookies she made from the receipe on Julie's blog. They were wonderful!!

The aroma from just opening the bag was enough but then the taste....yummmm..yummmm!

They look easy to make so I think I will have to do just that! If you are looking for an easy bake good cookie....please try these out..I think you will like them!

I so need to get motivated! I need to clean house...but more importantly I need to get out of the house!!

I have to go back to work on the 20th and I am not ready! I really enjoy just hanging out with Molly but it is time to get going. Still nursing so it is difficult for me to be gone too long, but we really need it. I don't want Molly to be the home body that I can be!

So...happy thoughts so that I will get my butt in gear in the morning!!

I got out today but it was to go to the Dr.

I have not been feeling well since after Christmas. Had to go to the Dr today...they think it may be strepp throat! Yuck!

If so, I think I am through the worst of it. She gave me some drugs and will let me know Monday if I test postive. Again though..if it is positive I got through the rough part without drugs so now it is just the recovery part.

New reality show on The WB, The Surreal Life, debuted this evening. It was pretty entertaining.

Corey Feldman is the same Corey as ever it seems. Minutes in and he was making waves and not even aware of it. Too funny! All these B stars that have nothing better to do. I found it rather interesting watching 6 stars trying to shop together and then get a little annoyed that Jerri from Survivor II is the last housemate to join...see they do not consider her a celeb!!..lol..

This will make my list of shows regardless of how cheesy it is.

It is cold outside! I know I am one of the FEW people who hate cold weather. To most it probably is not even chilly ....but it is cold to me. It is 43 out there. Burrr....

I really need to go run some errands..but my lazy butt does not want to move and Molly is off and on cranky. I will see about getting out later.

I have decided to ask a friend to baby-sit one day next week so I can get some things done. It is going to be hard to leave the MollyBolt(new nickname a friend gave her) but it will good for both of us. I am affraid she will be so freaked out in daycare when she realizes I did not just step away. ok...don't want to talk about that right now..... yuck!

Never made it out of the house. Niether one of us is feeling good. :(

It is snowing!!! Really snowing!! I wish Molly felt better so I could take her outside for some pictures. But...since I never I went to the store my camera is not working. Need a new battery.

The snow is beatiful though! It is sticking to the grass right now but not the street. It is coming down very steady though.

A little winter wonderland!

So, I am used to people coming up and wanting to look at Molly and they all say how cute and adorable she is...it is great I love it.

But today...at the grocery store a couple comes up to admire Molly. They were probably early 40's and she was pregnant, due in two weeks. They ask several questions, including breatfeeding. Still no big deal, I am enjoying the conversation. Then the women reaches into the basket and TOUCHES MOLLY!

What to think about this.

Which tarot card are you?

As seen at Susan's and Camille's.

Molly finally enjoyed her bath!

She usually cries through the entire thing...but not today. She thought about it for a second..but then decided she was ok. She smiled and played...it was nice. I normally try to wash her as quick as possible, it was great to take our time.

My friend, Donna, sat for Molly Wed. Molly did great. I took her over to Donna's home so she could get out of the house some. I did ok as well. The shopping part was fine...the driving is where it felt weird. I am so used to her being in the car with me. Ran several errands...it was nice.

Tomorrow my father and step-mother are coming in to baby-sit. Camille and I are going to run a few errands and just have some girl time. Even though it will be difficult to leave Molly...I am really looking forward to spending time with Camille...just US. A day of adult girl chat..I hope I can handle it! :)

I am still loving this show! Corey Feldman.....just cracks me up! And you gotta love Hammer. He tells it like it is in a humorus way so you can't get pissed. (in front of others that is) Corey tried but really could not say much....it was too funny!

This episode they had to camp out. The celebs had to compete in a competition to win the plush tent and chef..the loser had to REALLY camp. Pitch the tents and cook over the fire. Watching Hammer and Corey try to row a boat together was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. They all lived...but damn it was funny. Manny won and shared the tent with Jerri.

If you grew up in the 80's...you have to check this show out.

LOL!!

Baby girl is finding her hands and feet. She has been grabbing for things and using her hands for awhile but I do not think she has realized that "she" is actually doing all the work.

Yesterday she spend some time just staring at her hands...then later she was checking out those feet. It was so cute!

My little angel is growing!

Today was great. Now I say that with reservation because my day did not include Molly.

My Dad and step-mother came in town to sit with Molly so Camille and I could get out. I packed the day with errands but it was fun. We were gone for about four hours. I missed my girl but it was nice to get things done without worrying about her getting hunrgy and having to find a place to nurse.

I felt like a person. I felt like..Shelby.

Its me, Camille. I finally got off my lazy butt, re-uploaded pictures of Shelby and Molly that my husband lost when he updated our Gallery. AND finally downloaded all the new pics of Miss Molly from my camera and uploaded them as well. So, here you go...9 week pics of Molly and her Mommy.

I just have a minute...Molly just went down and I have a ton of stuff to do before I can go to bed.

I cried off and on today thinking about having to put her in daycare tomorrow. I am going to miss her so much. I do not have choice...I have to work and can not afford a nanny. Tomorrow will be a LONG day.

More: Is very personal. Read if you wish, I just need to get it out.

Yesterday was ok...today is HORRIBLE!!!! I really miss her and what makes it worse is that I REALLY hate my job.

I want my girl!!!!! I know it will get better soon but the tears are working today....I just miss her so much.

My heart breaks.

Another quick moment.

Molly is doing great. However, she already has a nickname on the second day of school... "Spit-up Princess". She blessed all the teachers yesterday. {giggle}

She did not sleep too well last night and I had to feed her around 4:00am this morning. Not normal for her at all...hopefully she will get into the swing of things pretty soon.

Pumping at work is not that easy and NOT comfortable. I have to use another person's office due to most of the offices have glass walls. His does not. He is great but I hate to bother him. I am not getting as much either. I think it due to the stress and uneasiness. Things will get better though..not giving up.

Also, I have decided to not focus on how much I hate my job but to focus on getting through my job and making the best of the situation. Negative thoughts will only make me depressed and I am NOT going to be that person around Molly. Now...I may need to vent from time to time..but I am going to do my best to remain positive!

Gotta run. Will try and post more this eveing.

Thanks for all the comments and support. It is nice to read and know others care. Glad to know there are some new readers and my regulars are still around.

Please comments at all times..I love to read your thoughts and opinions.

Ok I need to vent!!

I ran out of Gerber storage bags(for breastmilk) but had the Medela bags that came with my $300!! dollar pump. So I thought..."well these must be better because they came with the pump and it is the best brand" so I decided not to buy more of the Gerber brand.

WELL...I just used them and spilt half my milk!!!!!! Now...remember I just stated I am not producing as much milk here at the office so this milk is pretty special stuff!!! I am so aggrevated.

The bags were awful. Hard to use, many extra steps, just plain difficult. URGH!

At lunch I am going over to Target and buying more of the Gerber bags!!! Pumping into a bottle then pouring into the bags is much easier and the bags seal soooooo much better!!!

Well I was going to blog a few things but I am just too tired and I have a feeling Miss Molly is going to keep me up tonight. She did a good job last night and I just have a hunch the same thing is going to happen again.

When I finally have time to blog I am sure I will have forgotten what I was going to say.

:)

Aimme Mann is going to be at The Gypsy Tea Room tomorrow night.

I really want to go. If I can find someone to go with..is it too much to ask my brother to baby-sit two weekends in a row?

I am sure I will not go...but it would be so fun to do a non-baby thing.(sorry Molly...please do not take offense)

Well...my brother beat me to the punch. He called and asked me to baby-sit before I could ask him. DARN!

Then Camille called and said she would go. DOUBLE DARN!

I made it through my first week. It was an extremely long week.

Not too thrilled with my daycare which is such a dissappointment. I had really liked the people and facility. I am stuck there for awhile so hopefully it will get better.

Molly seemed to have a good time. She is the best dressed baby in the infant room. The teachers comment on her clothing every day. I think they think I have money by the clothes Molly wears. They have asked me twice if I only shop at Saks and Niemans. Ok...if I had money Molly would not be in daycare!

I started this before the game and now it is on soI gotta run!

Baby girl still has a cold and it seems to be getting worse. Dr. listened to her lungs and all is clear at the moment.

I feel so bad for her. She just coughs and coughs. She does not seem to mind but it tears me apart. All I can do is love on her to make it better. I cried this morning when I dropped her off at daycare. I know she will be ok...but darn I wish I was with her.

Ok, need to vent about day care.

Yes...I know she has only been there 6 days and this is a transitional phase for me as a first time mom but that does not mean my opinion does not count.

I also understand that being a first time mom I will do silly things from time to time that all first time moms do and will look back and laugh. But the thing is...I AM IN THE MOMENT ...so let me be.

(ok..this got long)

I had an Einstein's cinnamon bagel with cappuccino cream cheese this morning. Oh man was it good!!!!!!

Yummy in my tummy!!!

Lost track of time...last time I pumped was at 8:45AM....it is now 1:33PM!!! I normally pump every 2 1/2 hours.

So...I am SOOOOOO engorged at the moment...not only do they hurt I think I could knock you down with them if you got too close! Suckers are strong and hard. ..lol...

Now...I can't pump because I am waiting for Molly's Dr's office to call and I do not want to miss the call...and I have to get to the bank by 3:00.

Calgone take me away.

:)

I got a REAL paycheck today!!!!

It was so nice!! Three months with stubs worth nothing...this time it counts though. Real money...YAY!!